A Resiliency Curriculum?

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People have asked me for years, “Is resiliency a trait you are born with or can it be learned?” The answer is yes. The capacity for overcoming is “hard-wired” into the human make-up. Everyone overcomes a multitude of challenges, small and great, throughout their lives.

It is true, however, that it is easier for some people to overcome challenges, especially traumas and crises, than others. The analogy I like to use is one of riding a bike: Everyone can learn to ride a bike. Both my brothers jumped on a bike and took off instantaneously–so it seemed to me watching them at the time. In my case, I did learn to ride a bike, but it was a struggle that included several collisions with trees and bushes in our backyard…and it took me a lot longer to learn.

A “resiliency curriculum” should focus on growing the existing capacity for overcoming that is inherent in all, with a particular focus on how a person has already overcome challenges in his or her life. The strengths/resiliency builders a person has used to overcome should be named specifically so the person can begin to consciously own these aspects of himself or herself and apply this existing resiliency to current life challenges.

Then, the six environmental resiliency builders diagrammed in The Resiliency Wheel should be strengthened. A curriculum can support each person in building their personal Resiliency Wheel.

You can read more about this in the free article on this website, “Hard-Wired to Bounce Back” and in “The Resiliency Quiz” (also free). A diagram of The Resiliency Wheel is included there.

P.S. My newest book, The Resiliency Workbook, does exactly what I have suggested here. And I have just completed a “Leader’s Guide to Using The Resiliency Workbook” with more than 24 specific ideas about how to turn this book into a resiliency curriculum for any class or group. It is available free of charge to anyone who purchases The Resiliency Workbook at resiliency.com.

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What is Resiliency and Why is it So Important?

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Resiliency is the ability to overcome challenges of all kinds–trauma, tragedy, personal crises, plain ‘ole’ life problems–and bounce back stronger, wiser, and more personally powerful.

It’s important because this is what we need to do when faced with life’s inevitable difficulties. AND it’s important because there is a growing body of social science research that explains how: How can you bounce back, even from a lifetime of “risk factors” or very painful trauma or tragedy, and how can you help those you care about bounce back?

This is the most useful under-publicized research information everybody should know. There are steps you can take today and every day to make it more likely that you will bounce back from any problem or challenge “stronger, smarter & with more self-esteem…”and more likely your family and others you care about will bounce back, too.

My work and writing is dedicated to sharing these life-correcting, life-strengthening strategies.  My latest book, The Resiliency Workbook,  synthesizes my 20 years of studying resiliency into a useable-by-anyone format.  I am excited about this book because it makes the decades of social science research on how people can overcome accessible to everyone!

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Banning Social Media Is Not Enough to Create Healthy Kids

New Research Shows What Will

Governments are racing to keep teens off their phones. The PACEs research says they are only solving part of the problem. Here is what you can do now, according to the research.

This month, Australia’s government said it plans to take Meta, TikTok, Snapchat, and YouTube to federal court. The charge? Failing to enforce the country’s ban on social media for kids under 16. That ban took effect last December. Yet the national online safety regulator found that most underage users either kept their old accounts or simply made new ones. (Kids are amazingly resourceful!)

Australia isn’t alone. Britain plans its own ban for kids under 16. Canada has a bill that would set the same age limit. In mid October, a federal appeals court let Florida keep enforcing its 2024 law that limits teen accounts on apps with addictive features like infinite scrolling. Days later, Florida’s attorney general proposed a new law that would block teens from social media between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m. Here at home, a Pew Research Center survey from July found that nearly 6 in 10 American adults support banning social media for anyone under 16.

Dysphoria manifests during smartphone usage.

Dysphoria manifests during smartphone usage.

These laws may be needed but share a blind spot. They take a potentially bad influence away and say little about what kids need in its place. A newer body of childhood research points right at that gap.

What PACEs Research Tells Us

For decades, child health experts studied ACEs, or Adverse Childhood Experiences. These include abuse, neglect, divorce, and a parent with addiction. The more ACEs a child has, the researchers concluded, the higher the risk of poor physical and mental health as an adult.

But some kids with many ACEs grew into healthy adults, while others with almost none struggled. Why?

The answer turns out to be PACEs, or Positive and Compensatory Childhood Experiences. These are safe, stable, nurturing relationships and supports before age 18: A caring adult outside the family. A sense of belonging at school. Friends who stand by you. A family (or other caring adults) that talk about feelings.

In a well known 2019 study in JAMA Pediatrics, Johns Hopkins researcher Christina Bethell looked at survey data from adults in Wisconsin. Adults who recalled six or seven positive childhood experiences had 72 percent lower odds of depression or poor mental health than those who recalled two or fewer. Even three to five positive experiences cut those odds in half. The benefit held up no matter how much adversity people had faced.

Bethell’s team also found that adults with low adversity still had worse mental health if they lacked positive experiences. In other words, removing the bad is not the same as adding the good.

Why Bans Alone Fall Short

A social media ban works like the old ACEs approach. It removes one risk. That may help. But if a 14 year old with weak school and community support is cut off from TikTok and goes home to an empty house, no friends, and no caring adults, the ban hasn’t given that child a healthy life to build on.

Early school phone bans show the same pattern. A Brookings survey of teens released in September found that even at schools with strict phone rules, most teens reported no change in their happiness, stress, or relationships with teachers. Taking the phone away did not fill the space it left.

Teens often turn to screens for connection and belonging. If they find those in real life, the pull of the phone gets weaker.

What Parents and Communities Can Do

You don’t need to wait for a law. Here is what the research supports:

  • Be the adult kids can talk to. Ask about their day and listen more than you lecture. Even a smile and a regular greeting, especially using a name, can make a big impact on a child’s day.
  • Find them one more caring adult. A coach, teacher, neighbor, pastor, or mentor counts.
  • Help them belong. Clubs, sports, youth groups, volunteering, community organizations and after school programs give teens a place where they matter.
  • Make home predictable. Routines and clear rules build a sense of safety. Schools can also help provide this the “safe, predictable environment” PACE.
  • Fill the hours, not just the gaps. If you limit screen time, plan what replaces it. A walk, a game, a project, watching a movie, or a meal together.

The Bigger Lesson

Lawmakers can keep fighting tech giants in court. But no judge can order a child to feel loved, safe, or connected. That part is up to us.

The best protection against the harms of social media may not be a ban at all. It may be a childhood so full of good relationships that the screen simply matters less.

Real world socialization triggers oxytocin release in the brain. This neurochemical process directly counteracts the stress markers associated with Adverse Childhood Experiences.

Real world socialization triggers oxytocin release in the brain. This neurochemical process directly counteracts the stress markers associated with Adverse Childhood Experiences.

Sources

Australia to Sue Meta and TikTok for Failing to Enforce Under 16s Social Media Ban
PetaPixel, Oct. 21, 2026

Appeals court lifts block on Florida law restricting social media access for teens
Florida Phoenix, Oct. 14, 2026

Florida proposal would impose overnight social media ban, time limits for teens
CBS Miami

Majority of Americans support banning social media for kids under 16
Pew Research Center, July 1, 2026

Bethell C, et al. Positive Childhood Experiences and Adult Mental and Relational Health in a Statewide Sample
JAMA Pediatrics, 2019 (summary)

A year later, what teens tell us about school cellphone bans, Brookings Institution
Sept. 2026

Current uses and contributions of the PACEs measure: A scoping review
Trauma Care, 2024

PACES Research Dramatically Changes Recommended Approaches for Helping Children and Youth

“While the ACEs movement has made significant strides, it is now time to focus on PACEs.”

— “Current uses and contributions of the Protective and Compensatory Experiences (PACEs) measure: A scoping review,” Trauma Care, September 23, 2024

Research published in the past five years has documented the surprising finding that kids who experience what researchers call “Positive Childhood Experiences” (PCEs) or “Positive and Compensatory Childhood Experiences” (PACEs) are far less impacted by adversity in their lives (including ACEs, or Adverse Childhood Experiences). And, most surprising of all, PACEs do more than buffer adversity. Having PACEs also contributes to healthy development, resiliency, physical health, and mental health in adulthood, despite adversity.

“The research suggests that having PACEs is strongly linked to adult mental and physical health and is especially protective against adversity in childhood.”

— UCLA Health

As a result, PACEs research is shifting recommendations about how to help children and youth thrive away from a focus on deficits to a cumulative strengths-based, buffer model. It is propelling a dramatic change to a focus on thoroughly assessing and recognizing the power of strengths and fostering them in the lives of young people as much as possible.

PACEs are safe, stable, and nurturing relationships (in or outside families), environmental situations, and supports that occur before age 18. Many of these supports are outside the home, meaning the impact of a negative home life can be mitigated by PACEs.

“The more PACEs a child has, the more likely they are to be healthy and resilient,” according to “Positive Childhood Experiences: How to reduce the impact of stress for children” from the American SPCC. But even a handful can make a significant difference, researchers have found.

Examples of Positive Childhood Experiences

Different researchers use slightly different lists of PACEs. Here is one of them.

Examples of Positive Childhood Experiences

“Resiliency-informed, trauma-informed” practice: Why they must go together.

 

Description of the image“Trauma-informed” has become the latest focus in counseling, education, and the providing of social services, and it is very important. It means:

  • An awareness of how behaviors and symptoms connect to traumatic experiences.
  • An emphasis on physical, psychological, and emotional safety for staff and clients.
  • An opportunity for people to regain a sense of control.
  • And a focus on strengths rather than deficits.

A first step in grasping the meaning of trauma-informed care is to recognize how common trauma is and to create a foundational understanding that any person you engage with may be coping with the after-effects of trauma.

It is crucial to also take the first step of realizing every person you encounter has demonstrated some level of resiliency in their lives, and it is their resiliency characteristics that will be a lifeline in healing from trauma.

Strategies for “resiliency-informed, trauma-informed” care include:

  • Establishing and prioritizing the physical and emotional safety.
  • Building trust by following through, regulating your emotions, and actively listening.
  • Offering choices and options when possible.
  • Recognizing the signs and symptoms of trauma exposure as it relates to physical, emotional, and psychological health.
  • Helping clients/students/family members see their strengths and how they can apply them to life challenges.
  • Ensuring collaboration by developing mutually agreed-upon goals with whomever you seek to help.
  • Providing care based on cultural humility with a recognition of cultural strengths (as well as historical trauma).
  • Use “The Resiliency Wheel,” “The Resiliency Quiz,” and the list of individual resiliency builders at www.resiliencynews.com to assist others in bouncing back from their adversity. (Read the free article: “Hard-Wired to Bounce Back.”

Buy The Resiliency Workbook: the perfect workbook for anyone wanting to know more about how to bounce back from life’s challenges.

“Where the Crawdads Sing” is Powerful Resiliency Instruction

Mentoring for Resiliency

 

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A Review of “Where the Crawdads Sing“

The character Kya in the book and movie “Where the Crawdads Sing” is an embodiment of studies of resilient kids. Research from psychology, sociology, and psychiatry document the factors that contribute to resiliency — so wonderfully portrayed in this story. Abused and abandoned as a small child, Kya winds up in adulthood with wisdom, strength and life success. Her example is instructive for all of us dedicated to helping traumatized children and youth.

It is tempting to watch this powerful story, just released on Netflix, and think Kya is an exception. But according to the body of resiliency research, she is not. As resiliency pioneer researchers Drs. Steve and Sybil Wolin write in their excellent book, The Resilient Self: How Survivors of Troubled Families Rise Above Adversity, Kya demonstrates the finding that kids in traumatic circumstances do experience pain and have significant wounds, but in addition to “damage” many, if not most, also meet life’s adversities as “a challenge.” The Wolins admonish us to adopt the perspective of “the challenge model” which “recognizes each person’s capacity for self-repair.”

“Self-repair” could be considered a theme of this story. Completely abandoned, Kya sets about learning to survive on her own, and that surviving eventually turns to thriving. Just as resiliency research documents, she draws on her own inner qualities of perceptiveness (discerning how she can “make a living” even as a child), creativity (her art becomes her haven), perseverance, and love of learning. She also embraces the gift of her innate powerful connection to the natural world. And her environment also provides, often from unlikely sources, the most important environmental resiliency factor – caring and support. It comes from a husband and wife who run a local store, from a friend who later becomes a boyfriend, from a long-retired attorney who is moved to step up to help her, and eventually from publishers who see her amazing talent.

Too many helping professionals “steeped in the language of disease…and mastering an alphabet soup of symptoms and syndromes,” as the Wolins write in their book, would likely see Kya only as a compilation of so many abusive childhood experiences. Her story inspires all of us to follow dictates of resiliency research to meticulously look for evidence of strengths, gifts, and resiliency in the face of great adversity. Those qualities and gifts are lifelines to overcoming, and we must not only see them, but also water them, and do whatever else is needed to help them grow.

 

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Be an Effective Resiliency-Builder Now

Resiliency Research is Producing Quizes/Lists and Questionnaires to Help you be an Effective Resiliency-Builder Now

AS REPORTED LAST MONTH: “Resilience research is surging,” reports preeminent resiliency researcher Ann S. Masten in her recent comprehensive report: Resilience in Children: Developmental Perspectives. She notes this surge is growing right along with the increase in concerns about Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). Masten (and her co-author Andrew J. Barnes) state:

“Resilience science suggests that human resilience is common, dynamic, [and] generated through myriad interactions of multiple systems.” [Read more…]

Adverse Childhood Experiences & How to Build Resiliency

How to Build Resiliency (Especially for those with High ACEs)

“Resilience research is surging,” reports preeminent resiliency researcher Ann S. Masten in her recent comprehensive report: Resilience in Children: Developmental Perspectives. She notes this surge is growing right along with the increase in concerns about Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). Masten (and her co-author Andrew J. Barnes) state:

“Resilience science suggests that human resilience is common, dynamic, [and] generated through myriad interactions of multiple systems.” [Read more…]